One of the major perks of using myself as a model when I'm in a pinch is how much more comfortable I feel in front of the camera and in general with my appearance. I've never been a very confident person, and I don't necessarily feel more confident now, but I feel like I've really started to make peace with myself. It's the difference between, "I really love my nose!" and "Eh, my nose is okay, and it's mine so I guess I like it". One thing I was realizing though as I was talking with a friend about this new comfort of mine, is that in all the other photos I've done of myself (with the exception maybe of "Finding my own smile") I was just using myself because I was the most available human being around. If someone else had been around and willing, I would have totally used them instead. Not only would it have been easier (no timer!) but I would have probably been more comfortable and happier with the results. So in light of this realization, I decided to take a portrait of myself tonight. Not to use myself to illustrate a concept or tell a story. Just me. And this was hard for me. Hard to look straight into the camera. Hard to process the raw image and come up with a finished product without over thinking it. I didn't really expect that, I thought this would be cake. So I guess I've still got a ways to go with this confidence thing; it is a good thing I'm an aspiring photographer and not an aspiring model!
I keep thinking I need more people in my shots, but I almost never take pictures of people other than my kids. And one rule for my project is to NOT include my kids, since I'm trying to branch out. I'm glad you included your thoughts on your self-image. Of course (as a fellow modern American woman) I understand and appreciate those feelings. There are next to no pictures of me in the last few years, since I am the only one to ever pick up the camera. So perhaps I will take a page from your book at some point and do some self-portraits (eek!).
ReplyDeleteI felt the same apprehension at first, but I think you should do it, it pays off. I was thinking too the other day that there are not many pictures of me around (other than my wedding pictures) and almost none of me with my daughter, because I'm always the one behind the camera. She (Josie) has just recently gotten very interested in looking through family photos, and it occured to me that someday she will probably ask me why there are no pictures of me. And that, "I don't like the way I look in pictures," will not seem like a very good answer. So I still need to work on this, and remember not to cut myself out of my own family's photo memories.
ReplyDeleteSuch beautiful lines, Meg! That "S" shape is always stunning.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful shot, Meg. I agree with Heather wholeheartedly.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the same boat as you as far as how many photos of me there are with my children. I've tried to balance it out a bit over the past few years, but I'm still the one behind the camera, so...
I appease myself with the reminder that memories are more than just photos.
I've always thought you were beautiful and should have more confidence in yourself.
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